Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
