I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
50% drunk capacity currently
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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