Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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