C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
