Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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