let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize