Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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