so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
