There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
