youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Randomize
