Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
