It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
