so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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