don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize