it hurts more in the daytime
so let's talk penis.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
