I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
