Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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