is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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