there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
