dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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