White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
