Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
