Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
