She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Bring me that man meat
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
