just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize