Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
