sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
