we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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