omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
