I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
