You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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