Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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