I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
