the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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