The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
