I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize