11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
