While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
