my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
