dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
