i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize