I seem to have left my pride at pride
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
