dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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