I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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