yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
