i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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