dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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