Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
