you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
not ubering you a puppy
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
God, I missed his penis.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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