I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
