Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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