This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
