tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize