I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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