Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
