Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
