I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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