Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
