dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize