There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
