He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
