I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
