this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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