Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
