Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
