Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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