were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
