Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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