I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize