did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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