Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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