I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
