i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
