9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
