i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
