the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
