Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
