I could make wine with my vomit
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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