he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
