My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
