Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
