I want to make a zoo with you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
