Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
