neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I would fuck him just for his dog
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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