We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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