I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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