Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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