and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
