Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
