Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
