Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
