i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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