ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
