Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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