real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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