so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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