note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
