I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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