so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
