if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Randomize
