goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
