wrigley field is MILF paradise
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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