I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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