my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Randomize
